My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
