my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
