Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
