i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
