id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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