i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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