hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
