If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
