im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
