First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
