I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
