Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
