Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
