And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
