And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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