So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
