I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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