My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
