Your mouth is God's brothel.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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