apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
