Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
