Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
