I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
