Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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