You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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