well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
