I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The air was thick with penises
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
