I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
