I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
