I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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