so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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