He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize