Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
