I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
