he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
