does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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