I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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