I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
