Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
