I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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