My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
