I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
