Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
