Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
