the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
