but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
