after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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