That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
