I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
