Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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