What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
