So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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