No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
