Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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