wrigley field is MILF paradise
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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