Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
