I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
