She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think my moral compass just broke
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