the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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