Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
