great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
