That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
