I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
