My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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