Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
