Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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