they need to just BURY HIM!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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